S.P.E.E.K. Sinai Peers Encouraging Empowerment through Knowledge

 

Making Choices

Everyone constantly deals with making decisions. The everyday decisions such as what to wear are often easier to make. Decisions such as whether to have sex or not are obviously more complicated.

Part of being a teenager is discovering what you want and deciding what you are comfortable experiencing. Among the many issues teens need to explore is sexuality. Making healthy decisions about when you want to be intimate, who you want to be intimate with, how and why, is essential and may be complex.

People make decisions in many different ways. Some ways people make decisions are :

  • Flip a coin
  • Let others decide
  • Do what other people are doing
  • Don’t decide anything. Just let whatever is going to happen, happen
  • Impulsively (without thinking)
  • Put it off until the last minute
  • Look at all your options and the possible outcomes, then pick the best choice for you

Many teens say things "just happen". But as a teenager, you have the power to decide what you want to do. Take the time to make well thought out decisions about what you want for yourself. Consider the advantages and the disadvantages of your options. Make a plan before putting any decisions into action.

When you´re a teenager, there´s a lot going on. You´re developing physically and emotionally. There may be lots of pressures and expectations (that you either put on yourself or others put on you). This is all normal. Everyone goes through it, but each person has their own experience. At times it all can be challenging, so go easy on yourself.

Sometimes we have strong feelings and desires and then we act upon them without thinking about the consequences. All actions have consequences. Being sexually active can have many. There are emotional consequences as well as STDs, HIV, and unplanned pregnancy.
Teens have sex for many reasons. You should take an honest look at the reasons why you would consider having sex and reasons why you wouldn’t consider having sex. When making a decision about whether to have sex you can consider abstinence, non-penetrative options or safer sex.

Abstinence

Abstinence is when a person chooses not to have vaginal sex, oral sex, or anal sex.

Reasons to be Abstinent

  • Not ready to have sex
  • Not comfortable with the other person
  • Haven't found the right person
  • Don't want to deal with HIV/STIs/pregnancy

What makes it challenging:

  • Peer pressure
  • Feeling alone
  • Wanting to "fit in"
  • Curiosity
  • Desires

Everyone has the right to be abstinent, even if they've had sex before.

Someone who chooses to abstain should still learn about safer sex.

Non-Penetrative Options

Non-Penetrative Options (NPO's) are things people can do together as an alternative to having sex. NPO's won't put you at risk for pregnancy, STI's or HIV. NPO's are safe, sometimes sexy ways to connect with someone. For NPO's like walking in the park or watching TV, you may not need to set boundaries. Others, like massage, require setting limits. It's important that you both agree to stop at a certain point.

Non-Penetrative Options are safe because they do not include coming in contact with body fluids such as blood, semen, pre-cum, breastmilk or vaginal fluids. NPOs are not foreplay. You and your partner must agree that they are not going to lead to sex.

Here are some non-penetrative options to concider

  • Going to the movies
  • Holding hands
  • Cuddling
  • Watching the sunset
  • Walking in the park
  • Giving flowers
  • Massage
  • Writing poetry
  • LIstening to music
  • Baking cookies
  • Playing board games

Or you and your partner can use your imagination to come up with other safe and exciting ways to get to know each other!

Safer Sex

Safer Sex is using a latex or polyurethane barrier (a male condom, female condom or dental dam) during oral, vaginal or anal sex to prevent contact with blood, pre-cum, semen and vaginal fluids.

Reasons to practice safer sex:

  • Prevent STI's, HIV and pregnancy
  • be able to enjoy sex without fear

What makes practing safe sex challenging:

  • Getting all the facts
  • Asking for what you want
  • Dealing with things your partner might say, like, "If you loved me, you'd trust me," and "It doesn't feel good"
  • Feeling comfortable using condoms and dental dams
  • Judgements about safer sex

In making decisions, the most important things to do are getting the facts and listening to your instincts. Take a situation such as whether to have sex or not, which birth control method to use or whether to have a baby now or wait and then complete this information.

My situation is:
__________________________________________________________

This is how I feel about it.
__________________________________________________________

What I want to get out of this decision is:
__________________________________________________________

Here is a list of all my options:
__________________________________________________________

One choice to consider from my list of options is:
__________________________________________________________

The pros/advantages for this choice are:
__________________________________________________________

The cons/disadvantages for this choice are:
__________________________________________________________

Another choice from my list of options is:
__________________________________________________________

The pros/advantages for this choice are:
__________________________________________________________

The cons/disadvantages for this choice are:
__________________________________________________________

Things I should consider before making my decision include:
__________________________________________________________

Information I need to have before I make my decision includes:
__________________________________________________________

People I can turn to for support include:
__________________________________________________________

This decision will have an effect on my life because:
__________________________________________________________

I believe the best decision for me is:
__________________________________________________________

My plan for carrying out my decision is:
__________________________________________________________

IF YOU FEEL UNSURE, you should wait. Give yourself some time.
There is no rush. Talk to someone who can help you through this process.

IF YOU DECIDE TO GO AHEAD, make sure you are being realistic.
Take precautions. Gather more information. Make a well thought out plan.

Afterwards, ask yourself

  • Why do I want to do this?
  • How does it make me feel?
  • Would I like to go through this experience again?

This will help you figure out your likes and dislikes, and what you might feel comfortable doing in the future. The good thing about making decisions is that we can always re-evaluate and change our minds.

Taking care of yourself is important. This means:

  • Be aware of what influences your decision making
  • Getting the facts
  • Realizing it's OK to ask for help
  • Trusting your instincts (if it doesn't feel right to you, it probably isn't)
  • Receive regular medical care
  • Finding support
  • Realizing your potential

Making decisions may be challenging, but it can help make your teenage years exciting and fulfilling. At times it can be tough. So go easy on yourself. Making decisions while staying physically, emotionally and mentally well may require you to be patient, resist peer pressure, talk to people you trust and have confidence in what you believe.