S.P.E.E.K. Sinai Peers Encouraging Empowerment through Knowledge

 

Safer Sex

Safer Sex is using a latex or polyurethane barrier (a male condom, female condom or dental dam) during oral, vaginal or anal sex to prevent contact with blood, pre-cum, semen and vaginal fluids.

Reasons to practice safer sex:

  • Prevent STI's, HIV and pregnancy
  • Be able to enjoy sex without fear

What makes practicing safer sex challenging

  • Getting all the facts
  • Asking for what you want
  • Dealing with things your partner might say, like, "If you loved me, you'd trust me," and, "It doesn't feel good"
  • Feeling comfortable using condoms and dental dams
  • Judgement about safer sex

Condoms

Condoms offer protection and are easy to use. When used correctly, they are one of the safest forms of birth control and can protect you from HIV/STI's and unplanned pregnancy.

Latex condoms come in different sizes and shapes, and have features like ribs, colors and different flavors. They come dry or lubricated, with or without nonoxynol-9, a spermicide that weakens sperm.

Polyurethane condoms are a little more expensive and are made of thin, flexible plastic. Polyurethane condoms are a good option if you're allergic to latex.

The female condom, which is made of polyurethane, is being used by more and more people. For more information, go to www.femalehealth.com

Lamb skin condoms have pores and do not protect you from getting HIV and other STDs because the pores allow germs to pass from one person to the other. They do offer protection against pregnancy and are another option if you're allergic to latex.

How To Use A Condom

Before sex:

  • check the expiration date
  • check the package for damage
  • open the package carefully so you don't rip or puncture the condom
  • make sure the condom will unroll the right way before putting it on the penis
  • pinch the tip to leave room for semen
  • when the penis is erect, unroll the condom all the way down to the base
  • smooth out any air bubbles
  • to keep the condom from feeling dry, add extra lubrication to the outside and inside

During intercourse:

  • check to make sure the condom stays on
  • add extra lubricant if needed

After ejaculation:

  • don't remain inside your partner too long (condom is likely to slip off)
  • hold the base of the condom while pulling out
  • move away from partner, take condom off and throw it away

Important tips:

  • when a man becomes erect, the pre-cum on the tip of the penis is enough to transmit HIV, STI's, or get a woman pregnant
  • dry or flavored condoms should not be used for vaginal or anal intercourse
  • using two condoms increases their chances of breaking
  • never reuse a condom

Dental Dams

A dental dam is a thin, square piece of latex that prevents body fluids from being passed during oral sex (mouth on vagina or anus). Place the dental dam against the vagina or anus. Be careful not to flip it over while using it or your mouth will come into contact with the side that was touching your partner.

Reasons to use a dental dam:

  • helps prevent HIV and other STDs
  • they come in flavors!

What makes using dental dams challenging:

  • the dental dam is not reusable
  • tasting rubber
  • it's tricky to get used to and may take time to become comfortable using one

Important tips:

  • You can make your own dental dam by cutting a dry or flavored condom into a square. Don't use a condom with nonoxynol 9 for oral sex! It will numb your mouth.

Talking About It

To really communicate with your partner, you need to express your ideas, and feelings,as well as listen to what your partner says, too. Good communication with your partner will help you both figure out what you want and how you want to have sex safely.

Reasons to talk:

  • Strengthens a relationship
  • Lets the other person know how you feel
  • Helps you find a common ground that can make you both feel more intimate
  • Gives you a better understanding of how the other person feels
  • It will make you feel good
  • Will allow both of you to feel more comfortable

What makes talking about safer sex challenging:

  • Some people believe talking will ruin the mood
  • Some people don't feel its their place to bring up a conversation about sex
  • It might be awkward to start a conversation
  • It might be hard to say exactly what you feel
  • It may take more than one try
  • Being open to talking
  • Being honest and straightforward
  • Being sensitive to your partner's response
  • Considering the other person's point of view

Talking with your partner about using condoms and dental dams can sometimes be challenging. Your partner might have a bunch of excuses and sweet talk about why you shouldn't use protection.

Here's some suggestions about how to respond:

"I want to feel you."
"I want to feel you, too; but we’ll both feel better if we’re protected."

"But I love you."
"Using protection is the way to show me you love me."
OR
"I love you, too, that’s why I want to use a condom."

"I’m a virgin."
"Being a virgin doesn’t mean that we don’t need to use protection."

"I don’t want to."
"Well, then, let’s think of other things we can do to be intimate."

"I’m clean."
"Using condoms will make sure we both stay clean."

"I don’t have any condoms."
"Then let’s just fool around in a way that’s safe, and we’ll get protection another time."
OR
"We can wait until another time when we do have them."

"Condoms don’t feel good."
"Out of all the condoms that are out there, we can find one that we both are comfortable using."
OR
"Think about how much better it will feel without having to worry about anything else."

It's important that you have a real conversation with your partner about why using protection is important. Here are some tips:

  • Think about what you want to say ahead of time.
  • Pick a time and place to have this conversation. (Don't wait until you're in an intimate situation.)
  • Choose what you are going to say to kick off the conversation, like: "I'm a little nervous about bringing this up, but I really feel it's important," or, "I really care about you, so I want to talk about something that affects both of us."
  • Be bold. Start the conversation. Your partner may be relieved you did.
  • Be honest.
  • Express how you feel.
  • Listen. One of the biggest parts of communication is listening. We often think it's about talking and expressing yourself. But listening is just as important.