“Baby what’s going on?” Deon asked me confused.
“Nothing, I’m good.” I said. I really wasn’t okay though. Since Deon came over ten minutes ago I’ve been distracted and wasn’t paying him any attention. I was too busy trying to figure out how I was going to drop this bomb on him.
“Are you nervous about tonight?” He asked walking over to me next to the window. He grabbed my hand and led me to the couch, snuggling up close to me.
“No.” I said. I didn’t look up at him. I was fidgeting with a loose thread from my sweater. All I could think was what was he going to think of me? He was going to think I was dirty, that I was a slut and that was really going to hurt me. I really loved him and I wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but now how was that going to happen?
“So what’s going on?” He looked over at me with concern. I knew that whether I wanted to or not I had to tell him. But when would be a good time to tell him something like this?
“Nothing Deon, I just have a lot of things on my mind.” I actually spent the entire day wandering around my neighborhood trying to figure out what to do and how to tell him.
“Like what? You know you can talk to me about anything." He said looking over at me smiling.
“Yea, I know, but this is kind of hard.” I couldn't look at him. I was too afraid of what I would see in his eyes. I thought I was going to see disappointment, hurt and anger.
“What could be so hard, Tia?”
“You have no idea.” I started laughing nervously.
“Why you acting like you can’t talk to me now? Baby, just tell me If you’re not sure about tonight its okay. We don’t have to do this?” He took my chin so I could look him in his eye.
“It’s not that.” I pulled away.
“Okay, so what is it then.”
“I don’t know where to start. I don’t even really wanna tell you because I don’t know how you’re going to react." I was so scared. I could feel my palms getting sweaty like the whole world was closing in around me.
“What is it, Tia?” he asked in a frustrated tone. I could tell he was getting aggravated now. This was the first time I ever held something back from him. I mean, I didn’t want this relationship to be over just like that.
“Alright, Deon, remember I told you I was going to the doctor today to get my results from my GYN?”
“I got my results back too, I’m good. Now that I have my physical out of the way I can start basketball practice now. So what about yours, how was it?” He asked anticipating my answer.
“They're not too good."
“What’s wrong with it?” He looked over at me confused.
“Well…I found out that I have Gonorrhea.” I said. Deon got up off the couch and walked over to the window.
“Damn Tia, that shit is nasty.” He started shaking his head. You could see the hurt on his face; it even looked like he had tears in his eyes. I knew he was upset and disappointed.
He looked over at me. “How could you do that to us, to me? I thought everything was good between us. I thought you loved me. I guess I was wrong, huh?”
“Baby what are you talking about?” I was upset by his reaction.
He didn’t say anything. He walked towards the door, opened it, walked out and slammed it. I tried calling him on his phone but he rejected my phone calls and after a few more tries he turned his phone off. I started to cry. I didn’t know how he was going to react but this was worse than I imagined.
ONE WEEK LATER….
I was laying down listening to music when my phone rang. It was Deon. My heart began to beat quickly and my palms automatically got clammy. I hesitated before I answered the phone. After two more rings I picked up.
“Hello?”
“What’s good Tia?”
“Nothing, I’m chilling.” I sat up on my bed waiting to hear what he had to say.
“We need to talk.”
“Okay…” I said in a nonchalant way.
“So can I come over?”
“Yea, if you want to, but if you’re going to walk out before I get to explain myself then don’t even bother,” I said with an attitude. Even though things didn't go how I wanted the last time we spoke I was actually glad he called and wanted to talk.
“I’m not. I’ll be over in 10 minutes.”
“Ok.” I didn’t know if I should be upset or excited. I still loved him but I was mad because he was so quick to run away without hearing me out. I kept thinking, “When he gets here I’m not going to touch him or let him kiss me or anything. I’ll listen to what he has to say and then decide where we go from there.”
10 MINUTES LATER...
The door bell rang and I already knew who it was. I unlocked the door and he opened it himself. I walked into the living room and he followed right behind me. We sat down on opposite sides of the couch.
"So how you been?" He asked looking over at me.
"I've been good." It was hard being with him in the same room. It was like having something but you can't touch it.
"I haven't seen you in school lately."
"Oh I've been in school. I haven't seen you either." He sounded unsure about what to say to me.
“I’ve been in school. I was busy with basketball and some other stuff.
“Oh ok.”
"How's your family?"
"Deon, enough of the small talk. What did you really come over here for?" I said looking over at him.
He sighed and moved closer to me on the couch. "I want to talk about us and what happened. I actually took the time to find out what Gonorrhea is and I just wanted to hear you out."
"If you had stayed and listen to what I had to say you would have known what was going on." I folded my arms over my chest.
"So tell me."
"Deon, I thought we had something great going on but when you walked out just like that you really hurt me. If you had just let me explain everything you would of known that I got Gonorrhea from my ex. I guess he cheated on me. I never thought I had to go to the doctor after him. Plus I never got any symptoms, so I didn’t know I needed to go to the doctor."
He put his arm around my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. All that was on my mind was that you cheated. I didn't know." We were both silent for a few moments.
"So what now, Tia?"
"I don't know, you really hurt me by walking out. How do I know that you won't walk out on me again when another problem comes our way?"
"I'm not. I'm sorry." He hugged me tighter and kissed me on the cheek.
"I need some time to think about this. I'll call you later." I got up, walked to the door and opened it. He looked over at me, sighed, and got up to walk out the door.
"Just think about it.” He said touching my face.
After Deon left all I could do was think about us and everything that was going on. We’ve been together for about 6 months now and things were going great until this situation happened. I didn’t know what to think, I was feeling so many different emotions. I was angry, confused, and hurt.
Angry that I’d gotten an STI even though growing up I got lectures from my family about being safe. They told me about the different STIs that are out there and how I can keep myself from getting them. I felt like I didn’t listen and in some way I let them down. Another thing that made me angry is the way Deon reacted. I love him and I didn’t think he would leave like that. Even though he said that he was sorry and wanted to work things out I’m just not sure. I thought things were too perfect between us. I was living in a fairy tale but now I’m brought back down to reality.
I was also hurt by my ex boyfriend. Even though we weren’t together for that long, I trusted him and thought that we had a good relationship. If he didn’t want to be with me he should have just told me instead of cheating on me and giving me an STI. I mean I didn’t see it coming, we were using condoms in the beginning and then we just stopped. I should have kept condoms in our relationship.
One thing I did learn from this whole experience though is that everyone should always get checked out whether they think they have to or not. If you find out that you have an STI you should tell your partner if you can. It’s best to deal with everything instead of making things more complicated. Some people might feel like telling their partner will put them in physical or emotional danger. In this case it might be a good idea to talk to a doctor or another adult first.
No matter where this relationship goes with Deon I’m happy I told him. He deserved to know and it was the right thing for me to do. And even though it was hard, it shed light on how our relationship really works. We have a lot to talk about especially if we’re going to move on.