Why are you here today? the green Health Center form asks me. I hesitate. My heart is jumping from the thought of being pregnant from a guy who isn’t my boyfriend. Of course the condom broke. Then some guy decides to sit next to me. Doesn’t he see there are two seats on the other side of the room? Now I’m distracted. But to avoid filling out this form, I start checking him out. His legs are sticking out far; he must be pretty tall. I look at his hairy legs, with the caramel skin tone blended with his khaki shorts. They look familiar. So do the grey and white Dunks he has on, untied with the laces stabbing through the ends of his sneakers. My boyfriend, Justin, has those same shoes. Well whatever! I need to finish this form. But wait! He just put his arm on the back of my chair! I should ask him to move, but I look at his hands, then glance up towards his arm where I notice the mole that lies on his forearm standing out as it is the only awkward part on his body. I feel as if I am looking at a puzzle of him. Justin. I hunch forward and turn my body to hide the paper, to force morning-after pill on the empty space provided. His long leg nudges my miniature size leg for attention. I look up, and with a smile Justin looks back.
The smile changes. He looks away, and we both can tell something is wrong.
“What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing here?” I ask hoping he didn’t see what I just put down.
“I’m here for my results from the test I took a week ago. I’m clean but we gotta talk.”
Test results! I wonder if that means he had unprotected sex! I know we never had unprotected sex so I know he’s going to tell me something I don’t want to hear. To avoid the whole thing I say, “I’m doing something Justin. You should’ve thought about that when you stopped calling me.”
“I know! I’m sorry that won’t happen again. But come with me outside. Can you walk me to the train station please?”
He obviously doesn’t care why I’m here, and hasn’t gotten the point; I want nothing to do with him. I don’t even know why he’s my boyfriend anymore.
“Walk you to the train station?! Justin, be serious. No!”
“Alright Brenda, whatever you say. I’m going to call you later so pick up.”
“Yea, ok.”
It’s 9 o’clock at night and he hasn’t called, as usual. Nothing new! 11 o’clock comes; I am lying down with my phone charging next to me forgetting that he might call. The phone rings. I look as his picture pops up and I press ignore. He calls again and I pick up.
“Hello?”
“Yea, Brenda, what’s up?”
“Nothing, Justin, what do you want?”
“I have Chlamydia and I think you should get tested.”
“That’s what you called to tell me? Justin, there is no way I have Chlamydia because me and you never had unprotected sex, and that is how it can be passed on.”
“Alright, Brenda, whatever! I’m just letting you know what’s going on.”
And like that, it was over. I was so furious, and pressed end on my phone. I didn’t know what to do. We’ve known each other since we were 6 years old and now, 11 years later, it’s over? I couldn’t believe it! We started out hating each other; then we finally grew up and realized we should be together. I grew to trust him. And he cheats on me! What was I supposed to do? So I dealt with it by pretending it never happened and went to sleep.
Looking back on it a few years later, it’s ironic. I mean, I was at the clinic for the morning-after pill (emergency contraception or Plan B®) because I cheated on him and Justin was there for STI test results because he cheated on me. Neither of us was really talking to each other, and I guess we both thought we weren’t doing anything wrong because we weren’t communicating. And the thing is, we really liked each other—every time we were together neither of us complained or fought about anything. We were completely comfortable. But we both cheated on each other and weren’t being responsible. And we both ended up getting hurt. The question I ask myself sometimes is—did he trust me? Did we both assume the other was doing right?
I always use a condom, so that I will be protected. But the truth is there’s a lot more to safer sex than using a condom. For one thing, although condoms are the best thing we have to protect ourselves against STIs they are not 100%. The truth is I should have gotten tested for STIs instead of just blowing Justin off—I was the one who had the condom break, right?! But the other important thing is that to have a healthy sexual relationship you need to have communication, trust, and honesty about what you expect from each other. That way you have a better idea of what you’re getting into.
It’s amazing what we go through.